Children

8 AM Conversation

Justin- I'm going to go buy some land.
Me- Land?
Justin- Yes. Land.
Me- Why?
Justin- So I can run around naked.

Marriage

Me- Are we ever going to get married?
Justin- I don't know. Probably. You'll have to ask the big man in charge.

Talking about his chickens (yes, real chickens)

Me- Did you fix the chickens up?

Him- Yeah they're all wearing dresses

Me- Dresses?

Him- Yeah I fixed them up real nice

Watching a show about soliders coming home from war

Is this Welcome Home Dad?

Driving

Is that guy a hazard? 10 points for Gryffindor!

Walking by some girls running around a sand volleyball court

Justin mocking them- Oh sh*t! I don't wanna get sand on my spray tan!

Eating at "Five Guys Burgers & Fries" for the first time

Me - Is your burger good?
Justin - It tastes likes five guys dancing on my tongue!

His childhood ink poisoning

Me - How did that happen?
Justin - It was an ink pad and I licked it!
Me - Who does that?!
Justin - I was hungry! My mom probably didn't feed me that day!!

Bieber?

Me- Dude you should cut your hair and make it into a faux hawk!!
Justin- Oh. I thought you were going to say make my hair longer and wear purple because of my beautiful voice!!

I was quoting Katy Perry and it got out of control

Via iChat-
Me- LOLZ UR SEW GAY N U DON EVEN LIKE BOIS
Justin- IM LISTENIN TO EVANESCENCE AND CUTTING MY UPPER THIGH LOL

Zombie vs Robots vs Will Smith

Talking about zombie apocalypses-
Me- You should watch I Am Legend! That's an awesome zombie movie!
Justin- If I wanted to watch a robot movie, I'd watch Wall-E
Me- Oh my gosh it's not a robot movie!!!
Justin- If I wanted to watch Will Smith, I might as well watch Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! Or Independence Day! Or I-Robot!!
Me- Ok now you're just naming every Will Smith movie...

Point Proven

Me- Do you have ADHD?
Justin- No. Why?
Me- Well how do you jump from topic to topic so quickly?
Justin- Wait! Hold on! Sharks!!

Talking about Geoffrey Chaucer

Justin- I can't believe his name is Geoffrey! That name is still used today!
Me- Yeah so? So is William
Justin- HOW DID THEY UNDERSTAND THESE WORDS?!

Emma Watson

Me- I wish I looked like Hermione Granger
Justin- Yes Samantha I think we ALL wish we were Hermione Granger

This one is long, but worth it

Justin- This quote says that religion is everywhere but not universal. I would explain that as me and samstin are in the mall. And we have five dollars. But I want change for five dollars. So Samstin is like, oh no problem! And he pulls a change machine out of his shell. So we put the dollar in and get 4 quarters in and then put two quarters in and get 50 cents. So then we go back to Pittsfield, we were in Springfield, and we turn left and right and we go to Horton's. And we put the quarter in the gumball machine and get gum. Basically money is everywhere but you can't use it at every place.

Fiction vs Non-fiction

Justin- Dude I don't think Harry Potter is a true story!! Like why would an old man wanna kill a little boy? It's fake.

Me- Yeah Justin it's real...because magic is real and all...ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Justin- Anyway I think Taylor Lautner is hotter than Rupert Grint

After I complimented him on his eye color

Yeah my mom says they are starburst blue...but I personally like to think of them as starburst SAPPHIRE!

As we are about to get off the phone

You should have been Prom Queen...Ok love you bye!!

Drinking Dr. Pepper

OH MY GOD THAT'S NASTY....but I can taste all 23 flavors...

Upon seeing my new house

Me - So do you like the house?
Justin - I like the women INSIDE the house more :D

About some girl with green hair

These whores are so distracting with their overwhelming fakeness!

Compliment?

Me - I could make a workout video
Justin - Yeah it'd be called "How to get a butt like Samantha" and it would just show you eating cake.

Talking about the Vlasic pelican

Him - "That's one hell of a crunch!!" That's what I remember him saying
*I look it up*
Me - "That's the tastiest crunch I've ever heard" ....
Him - Well sh*t

When I said he should try Chinese

Yeah! I'm ready for some new cuisine. I'm sick of this American BS!

This is old...but awesome nonetheless.

Couldn't decide if this was awesome or ridiculous...

After my mom moved away

Me - My mom's boyfriend is like really really sick

Justin - From what? A broken heart?

Talking About Mean Girls

Me - Everyone likes Mean Girls!

Justin - Nobody even likes that movie & Lindsay Lohan is hot.

Me - That doesn't even make sense...you did not prove your point there.

Talking about how Dexter has no feelings

Justin - I don't have feelings either.

Me - Dude I saw you cry the other day...you have feelings.

Watching the Craigslist Killer movie

Justin - Yeah...when I kill women, I take out the bladder.

Me - Why's that?

Justin - No reason...

Me - ...what...

How romantic

Laying on the couch-
"I love you so much!...Oh my gosh...I almost vomited on your boob."

She does not read this blog...

Me - Guess who reads my blog!

Justin - That girl from that show? Bees and Knees? What's it called...Even Stevens!!!

Passwords

You know what I should make my password? No one would ever guess it....Justin likes girls.

Quoting a Kanye West song..about a Kanye West song..

I bet he's been dreaming about this since Chi-town.